Style, everyone has it

For as long as I can remember I have wanted to create.  As a pre-teen I made friendship bracelets and woven ribbon barettes.  I moved on to t-shirts adorned with wedding rosebuds from the craft store.  Once I think I tried to make a dress out of an old batik bedspread (it actually turned into a giant floor length poncho).

Once I discovered beads I had found my groove.  I could string beads and make something beautiful.  It was an amazing feeling.  If I want a necklace, I could make one.  And I did. Over and over again. I made them.  I sold them at craft shows, farmer's markets, in stores and on-line.  At one point I even quit my job to make jewelry full time.  I had some success.  I had a piece featured in a fashion spread in the local newspaper. My name was mentioned in the on-line version of Women's Wear Daily.

But life moved on,  I went back to work and didn't have the time necessary to create as I would have liked.  Then came kids and it all went out the window.  I would go weeks or months without making something.  I lost focus.  I began to doubt myself.  Then fear took over.

I'm not good enough.

I don't have style.

I'm not creative.


I believed it.  Sometimes I think I still do.  There is nothing I would love more than to create beautiful things, but ...  So I don't.

I have bags and boxes full of supplies, paint, yarn, beads all waiting for that inspiration to strike.  Pinterest both helps and hurts.  I see all of the cool things I could make and I want to run out, get the supplies and start right now.  But then I get overwhelmed with all of the things.  It's too much.  I can't right now.  So I don't.

But when I do, it's totally worth it.  In fact, despite all of my anxiety about creating, I actually have pieces I've created on display in my home.  Sometimes I amaze myself.

Around

Lately summer has seemed too long.  The kids are fighting more than ever.  It's hot.  We are doing the same old, same old and it's gotten a tad boring.  So I decided to shake something up.

I grabbed my camera and told the kids we were going for a walk.  Normally a request for a walk is met with grumbling but I told them we were going to take pictures of the cool things we find.  If there was something they liked, we could take a picture.  That seemed to perk things up a bit.

I love our neighborhood, cozy bungalows and tree lined streets with a mix of new and interesting businesses.  When we first moved here we had the bungalows and trees but there were no businesses to speak of.  If we wanted dinner, coffee or to do a little shopping, we had to drive somewhere.  Thanks to the dedication of local residents and the city, our little corner of the world has gotten a lot cooler.  It's now a happening place to be.  I just love it.

Perhaps the only way to get a picture of them together.

My favorite coffee house.

Always mugging for the camera.

Handmade chocolate?  Yes please.

A book for every age.

The only way I can get a picture of her.

Ooh! Mom can you take a picture of the dead bug?

What I Love

Rather than focusing on the negative, I decided to go around the house and take pictures of the things I love about it.

 The kids' art wall

Tabasco Cat

A scarf from Zara that has become our bedspread

Lotus Furbella

 A place to show my loves.

We built this.  It amazes me to this day that we actually did it.  I love to sit, watch the kids play and chat with the neighbors.

Unfortunately no pictures of the kids.  Apparently when mom has a camera, it's time to hide.  But I'll get you my pretties.

House Anxiety

I love reading decorating and design blogs.  I pour over the words.  I pin all the pictures.  And then I dream,  "wouldn't it be lovely to live in a house like that ...", "if only my house ..."

After staring at my screen dreams, I look up and see reality.  Things are on the floor.  Papers and junk cover the surfaces.  It causes anxiety.  I need to clean.  Right now.  I need to fix all of this.  Right now.  But there is so much to do, where do I start.  I could start here in the living room.  But if I pick up a toy and return it to it's rightful room, I then get distracted by the mess there.  I must clean that.  Right now.  And when it's time to return something to it's rightful place from that room, the cycle starts all over again.

So I'm left with a messy house with a few things put away in their rightful places.  I've thought about options, I've researched, I've read books and they all do the exact same thing.  They cause more anxiety.

So I stop.  I look.  I think.

The couch, with pillows and blankets askew, may look messy but just a few minute it held my children playing a game together.  That, in and of itself, is something of a minor miracle. So I can look at it and smile.  The couch served it's function as a gathering place, warm and inviting, holding and providing comfort for those I love.  It makes my heart sing just a little bit.  I can accept that mess, no need to start there.  The anxiety lessens just a bit and I can focus my energy on things that need to be done.

House v. Home

We have lived in our house for almost 16 years.  My relationship with the house has gone from love, Love, LOVE to annoyance, to sometimes hate, landing mostly on indifference.

Annoyance, indifference and hate are not emotions you want to associate with your house.

I love the heck out of the people and animals that live in the house.  But there are so many things about the house that I don't like, things that are wrong, things I want to change but don't have the time to do, things I want to fix but can't.  So I ignore or grumble and grouse when I walk into certain rooms.

I would read design blogs and see the beautiful rooms and I would get sad.  Pinterest could make me depressed or angry.  I wanted my house to look like that and it didn't.  It could but it didn't.

But I didn't do anything and nothing changed.

Then I read the book The Nesting Place It Doesn't Have to be Perfect to be Beautiful and my perspective started to change.  My home was far from perfect but it was filled with love and joy, maybe it could be beautiful too.

As I sat on my sofa one day, I started looking, really looking at my house.  I found that there were things that I really and truly enjoyed about my home.  The giant red sofa that can fit our whole family plus two cats on movie nights.  The table in the entry hall that perfectly describes our family - the vase from China, the candle holder from Ethiopia, the globe, the pictures of our early days with our children.  Seeing these things fills me with joy

I realized that maybe I was the thing that needed to change for me to love my house again.  If I look at it through a lens of hope and possibility, I can see love.  The things I can't fix will still be there but so will the good things. And maybe this stupid old house will feel more like home.

Get Away

We look forward to it all year.  The countdown starts at the beginning of May with numbers written in a child's hand on our chalkboard.

20, 15, 10.

When we reach single digits I can see the kids vibrating with excitement.  We are going on vacation!  Hooray!

Every year I wonder how it can be as good as it has been in the past?  Will this be the year that something will go wrong, the year we vow never to go back?  But it doesn't happen.  Rain or shine, cold or hot, childish arguments, fights and tantrums, none of it matters.  Our family is good here.  We recognize the special quality of the weekend, the place.

When we leave, I research condos and cabins.  Maybe we could buy here, spend summers and more.  It's a dream I have, knowing that I could come here whenever I wanted.  It won't be the same.  I won't catch lightning in a bottle.  But I continue to put pennies in a jar all the same.

Reminders

I needed the reminder as I slogged through my run today.

I needed the reminder as I struggled to stay awake and alert at home.  If I do not get off the couch right now, I will be late picking up my kids.  If I do not get off the couch right now I may never get off the couch again.

I needed the reminder that I don't have to do this.  I get to do this.  I get to live this life.  It is a privilege and a gift.

It's a gift that I have two strong legs.  I get to lace up my running shoes and I get to pound the pavement.  There are days, like today, when the steps hurt, a twinge here and a pull there.

But there are also days, like Sunday, when I blaze forward faster than I have ever gone.  I may not be the fastest and I sure as heck won't win anything but that time is fast, super fast, for me.  Personal record, personal best.

I also get to share my passions and joys with my family.  I always thought running was solitary, just me and the road.  But it's not.  Frink is there to feed the kids when my morning runs go too long.  Bunny and Lion are there with signs cheering me on as I start and finish a race.  And Lion is there running faster than I ever thought possible, leaving his momma in the dust with her heart swelling with pride.

Those are the days that make days like today worthwhile.  I know that the slow days will be replaced with faster ones.  The dull days replaced with ones that are much, much brighter.

Shaking off the Dust

Often times a well loved treasure gets lost. It falls between the cracks, behind something and gets hidden from view. It sits there, forgotten, collecting dust.

There may come a time when the treasure is rediscovered. Perhaps you are searching for something else and stumble across it. You may sit down in the midst of the dust and cobweb to remember. Once the years and neglect have been wiped away, you realize how much this treasure meant to you at one time. Memories come flooding back. You can feel the person you were the last time you held it.

Maybe the sight of it, the feel or the smell will inspire you to bring the treasure back to life, proudly displaying it once more. The dreams it once held are sparked anew. The past now holds the key to your future.

Lost and forgotten no more, endless possibilities await in the future.

Looking Out, Looking Up

I've been sort of a Debbie Downer lately. A lot of things have gone wrong lately and I have been focusing on them too much. Its hard not to.

But the focus of this blog is to create and look for beauty in everyday life. I can plant a garden so I have pretty flowers to look at. I can pick up a paint brush or a pencil and doodle for a while. I can grab my wire and hook and make something.

Or I can look out the window



and admire the beauty all around me.

A Beauty Pick Me Up

(Don't forget to enter our giveaway. The deadline to enter has been extended. Just leave a comment for each thing you've done so I can keep track.)

Over the weekend we had a house-related catastrophe. Now if you read my other blog you will know I hate my house. There are so many, many things wrong with it. Things that take money, and lots of it, to fix. And now, just as we were getting ready to put the finishing touches on our basement remodel, the basement went and broke some more.

I was just beside myself. I couldn't belive that something bad was happening to this house again. I started to wallow in pity, thinking of everything that went wrong and of everything that could go wrong. Not the healthiest behavior.

I had to do something to get myself out of it. I thought if I was going to get all dirty I might as well get something out of it (other than a dry basement). So I grabbed my gloves and my shovel and dug in the dirt.



I felt better the instant my fingers hit the earth. For just a little bit of work I would have something I would enjoy all summer long. It was worth it and it helped me escape my troubles for just a little while.

A Magical Place

The world outside my door is a magical place filled with wonder. I used to know that. I used to believe. But the realities of grown up life got in the way and I forgot. Grass had to be mowed, flower beds had to be weeded, bugs and critters were a nuisance.

Now I view the world through the eyes of a three year old. When I venture outside I see the limitless possibilities of the world around me. Every step we take, every corner we turn brings new and wonderful things to see. A walk must be stopped to pick a flower from a lowly weed growing through the cracks in the sidewalk. Ants are not to be stepped on or over, they should be examined closer. Worms are not gross, they help our garden grow.

The leaves and sticks that clutter the sidewalks should not be pushed aside. They can be taken home and made into something new, something wonderful. You just have to see it. You just have to look with the eyes of someone who is discovering the world instead of numbly wandering through it.