Style, everyone has it

For as long as I can remember I have wanted to create.  As a pre-teen I made friendship bracelets and woven ribbon barettes.  I moved on to t-shirts adorned with wedding rosebuds from the craft store.  Once I think I tried to make a dress out of an old batik bedspread (it actually turned into a giant floor length poncho).

Once I discovered beads I had found my groove.  I could string beads and make something beautiful.  It was an amazing feeling.  If I want a necklace, I could make one.  And I did. Over and over again. I made them.  I sold them at craft shows, farmer's markets, in stores and on-line.  At one point I even quit my job to make jewelry full time.  I had some success.  I had a piece featured in a fashion spread in the local newspaper. My name was mentioned in the on-line version of Women's Wear Daily.

But life moved on,  I went back to work and didn't have the time necessary to create as I would have liked.  Then came kids and it all went out the window.  I would go weeks or months without making something.  I lost focus.  I began to doubt myself.  Then fear took over.

I'm not good enough.

I don't have style.

I'm not creative.


I believed it.  Sometimes I think I still do.  There is nothing I would love more than to create beautiful things, but ...  So I don't.

I have bags and boxes full of supplies, paint, yarn, beads all waiting for that inspiration to strike.  Pinterest both helps and hurts.  I see all of the cool things I could make and I want to run out, get the supplies and start right now.  But then I get overwhelmed with all of the things.  It's too much.  I can't right now.  So I don't.

But when I do, it's totally worth it.  In fact, despite all of my anxiety about creating, I actually have pieces I've created on display in my home.  Sometimes I amaze myself.

Day 16 - Creating A Mess

Today's post is a cross-post with my other blog But Why Mommy where I blog about all things related to my family and my daughter Bunny. This post is all about our differing approaches to the creative process. (There is no picture accompanying this post because I am very close to finishing a hat I started yesterday - to replace the one I lost. And I want to show it in all of its glory tomorrow.)

Bunny is very creative. She loves to draw and color and paint. It makes her happy.

And seeing her happy makes me happy. I love that she loves art. It makes completing this challenge so much easier that I can sit down and create along side my budding Picasso.

And her approach to art is very inspirational. She just dives in. She doesn't care what people think. She only wants to put the paintbrush, crayon or marker on paper and see what comes out. I love listening to her little comments as she is going along. "Oooh Daddy's gonna to love this." "Isn't it pretty, momma?" "When I'm done its gonna be so nice."

She's all about the process. She doesn't sweat the details because its going to turn out just fine. She doesn't agonize if there is a mistake because there are no mistakes. Every stroke belongs on the paper just where it is.

Now she and I have received about the same amount of artistic training, which is to say none. However, I often freeze when it comes to the output because its not what its supposed to be. Its not "art". I've seen art and what I produce isn't art. So I get frustrated and scrap project after project because its not perfect.

That is why I am loving the challenge of creating everyday. I have to throw caution to the wind. I have to get over my preconcieved notions about what is or isn't art. I have to let go of the hang-ups I have over my abilities or lack of abilities.

In other words, I need to get in touch with my inner three year old.

Day 2

All my life I said I was not artistic. I could not draw things that resembled other things. I could not paint. I could not . . .

I was always crafty. I made ribbon barrettes in grade school and tried to sell them in a store. In high school I sewed little rosettes on to T-shirts and sold them. I always enjoyed making stuff. It was what I did.

When I started making jewelry, I began to see ways in which I was making art. I was painting in the way that I combined stones. I was sculpting when I twisted wire.

Once I changed my definition of artistic, I became an artist. Was I ever going to be the next Monet or Picasso? No of course not. But it didn't matter. I could make art in my own way.

Part of this year long challenge is pushing my creative boundaries. I am going to paint. I am going to draw. Maybe what I am painting or drawing won't look exactly like what it's supposed to look like. But again I'm okay with that.

I'm starting off making the ATCs because they are small. They are confined. And in that way they are freeing. I won't have to worry about filling in all the space. I can just experiment.