Kindness

I've been thinking a lot about kindness lately.

It's late in the summer.  The kids have been together too much.  They argue.  They say mean things to each other in an attempt to provoke a reaction.  We talk about what they could have done differently.  It gets better for a while then lather, rinse, repeat.

It drives me crazy and I bet it really isn't that fun for them.

So I've started talking about kindness: what it means, how to do it. what it feels like when you are being kind or someone is kind to you.

Kindness is like a smile that starts from the inside and then you want to share it with someone else.  Sharing it will make you feel even better and perhaps make that smile even bigger so you'll want to do it again.

As I was talking about it, I decided action is a much better teacher.  So I issued a challenge, every day this week they have to do one kind thing for another person in our family (since there are only 4 of us it means a parent or their sibling).  They shouldn't tell the other person they are doing it and they shouldn't expect a thank you.  This challenge is about showing kindness because you care about the other person, because you think it will make them happy.

In our discussions my son said "Fine!  I'll be kind to you because you are making me do it!"

I almost slapped my forehead in frustration.  "No honey, this isn't about making you do something you don't want to do.  It's about doing something because you love the other person and you want to show them."

He nodded.  "Okay then how do I be kind?   Tell me what to do?'

"Well it's not about me telling you.  It's about you doing something because you want to."

"But I'm only 6.  I don't know what I want to do."

"Okay.  How about this:  Pulling the cat's tail is not kind.  Petting the cat is kind.  Hitting your sister is not kind.  You can be kind to her by ..."

"Drawing her a picture?"

"Yes that is kind.  A picture or something like that."

I told them I would also be doing kind things and I would share what I had done so they could understand and hopefully learn about kindness in the process.

So for the month of August we are going to practice intentional kindness in our house.  Kindness to ourselves and to those around us.  I am hoping that when September rolls around we will be filled with a lot more love for each other (or at least the kids won't be fighting so much).

Style, everyone has it

For as long as I can remember I have wanted to create.  As a pre-teen I made friendship bracelets and woven ribbon barettes.  I moved on to t-shirts adorned with wedding rosebuds from the craft store.  Once I think I tried to make a dress out of an old batik bedspread (it actually turned into a giant floor length poncho).

Once I discovered beads I had found my groove.  I could string beads and make something beautiful.  It was an amazing feeling.  If I want a necklace, I could make one.  And I did. Over and over again. I made them.  I sold them at craft shows, farmer's markets, in stores and on-line.  At one point I even quit my job to make jewelry full time.  I had some success.  I had a piece featured in a fashion spread in the local newspaper. My name was mentioned in the on-line version of Women's Wear Daily.

But life moved on,  I went back to work and didn't have the time necessary to create as I would have liked.  Then came kids and it all went out the window.  I would go weeks or months without making something.  I lost focus.  I began to doubt myself.  Then fear took over.

I'm not good enough.

I don't have style.

I'm not creative.


I believed it.  Sometimes I think I still do.  There is nothing I would love more than to create beautiful things, but ...  So I don't.

I have bags and boxes full of supplies, paint, yarn, beads all waiting for that inspiration to strike.  Pinterest both helps and hurts.  I see all of the cool things I could make and I want to run out, get the supplies and start right now.  But then I get overwhelmed with all of the things.  It's too much.  I can't right now.  So I don't.

But when I do, it's totally worth it.  In fact, despite all of my anxiety about creating, I actually have pieces I've created on display in my home.  Sometimes I amaze myself.

Around

Lately summer has seemed too long.  The kids are fighting more than ever.  It's hot.  We are doing the same old, same old and it's gotten a tad boring.  So I decided to shake something up.

I grabbed my camera and told the kids we were going for a walk.  Normally a request for a walk is met with grumbling but I told them we were going to take pictures of the cool things we find.  If there was something they liked, we could take a picture.  That seemed to perk things up a bit.

I love our neighborhood, cozy bungalows and tree lined streets with a mix of new and interesting businesses.  When we first moved here we had the bungalows and trees but there were no businesses to speak of.  If we wanted dinner, coffee or to do a little shopping, we had to drive somewhere.  Thanks to the dedication of local residents and the city, our little corner of the world has gotten a lot cooler.  It's now a happening place to be.  I just love it.

Perhaps the only way to get a picture of them together.

My favorite coffee house.

Always mugging for the camera.

Handmade chocolate?  Yes please.

A book for every age.

The only way I can get a picture of her.

Ooh! Mom can you take a picture of the dead bug?

Seeking Grace

Lately I've been caught up in my head, running on Renee power.
I need to do this ...
I have to do that ...
I want ...
I ...
I ...

It gets frustrating to do this.  I get angry.  I am anxious, depressed and generally no fun to be around.  Normal kid behavior results in yelling.  Every comment is a criticism.  It's exhausting.

Today started out like this.  Another day of running all over town trying to find shoes that would fit my daughter.  3s are too small.  4s too big.  Most stores don't carry 3 1/2s.  Gah!  But the mall yielded results, I found a few options to let her try on. (Of course I could have brought her along to eliminate some of the stress.  But having someone complain about how they don't want to be there and don't care causes more frustration and stress.)

Relieved that I wouldn't have to go anywhere else, I wandered into the bookstore.  I picked up some design magazines and a few inspirational books I had been meaning to check out.  I've had this desire to start creating again so I figured I might find a few ideas.  As I sat in my chair reading articles. looking at pictures and perusing passages, something hit me.  The reason I have been so frustrated and in my head was because I haven't been looking for Grace.

I believe that God is always present in our lives.  He is showing us example after example of his presence but we (ok I) don't really look for it.  When I can glimpse those moments and signs my day turns around.  I need to, I have to becomes I get to.  I becomes You and We.  Struggle becomes ease.  Fear becomes faith and trust.

To find that all I have to do is look.  It's so amazingly simple but it can be so hard to do.

After this realization, I vowed to look for signs of Grace.  I decided to take pictures of them so I would have a reminder that I found it, I saw God for just a moment.  It's something I could do each day, a gift to myself and to those around me.

Resolved, I immediately set out to find it.  I got up, went downstairs and was half way out of the store before I realized that I had already found Grace today.  It was sitting in the pile of books and magazines I left on the bookstore table.  My gift of Grace was the moment I realized I could look for it.  So I turned around, went back upstairs and found my pile of Grace just as I had left it.