Meet someone new, answer the question. Fill out a form or a profile, answer the question. It’s a way of defining or categorizing a person. Lawyer, doctor, ditch digger, I don’t care who you are; I just want to put you in a box.
In the past
few weeks I have had to answer this question repeatedly and it has caused me
great pause. There are no easy
answers.
I have kids,
so I am a mom. I run, so I am a
runner. I make stuff, so I am a
maker. These things are passions and
joys of mine. They make up who I am but
they are not the answer to the question.
Last week I
was at my law school reunion. It was
fun, a weekend with friends to relive the glory days, to laugh. It was also nerve wracking, a weekend filled
with lawyers who didn’t know me. I was
asked the question over and over again. I
struggled with my answer.
My friends
would answer the question with their job title.
Dean, coordinator, general counsel; people understood those
answers. My friends are also mothers.
They may run or make stuff or do other interesting things that make them who
they are. But they can answer the
question. They do something quantifiable.
They fit into acceptable categories.
They do big things.
And what do
you do? I’m currently at home with my
kids.
Oh.
What a noble
job.
That’s hard
work.
And now we
move on. Let’s talk about what your
friend does. That is way more
interesting than laundry, packing lunches and kids’ activities.
I’m
dismissed from the conversation. It
hurts.
The simple
answer to the question is I am a stay at home mom. The reality of the situation is a bit more
complicated.
I chose to
leave the workforce. It wasn’t right for
me at the time. I spent all this time
and emotional energy to become a mother.
I needed to do it with all of my mind, body and soul. I couldn’t split my focus, that wasn’t working
for anyone. I left and didn’t look back.
As the kids
got older, I was able to explore things that interested me. I didn’t have to do something just because I
held the appropriate licenses. I
wrote. I made jewelry. I made other things. If I
didn’t enjoy something, I didn’t have to do it anymore. I had freedom, I had choices.
I found I
loved writing. I thought I was pretty
good at it so I sought to do more of it.
I found a volunteer position that allowed me to write. It grew into something more and I
grew along with it.
And what do
you do?
I am a writer. I am a maker of things. I run like a gentle breeze. I am lucky to be able to share my talents
with organizations I believe in. I have
the luxury of being home for my children.
That answer works for me. I don't care if it works for you.
